the four right chords can make me cry: 04/01/2005

mark your calendars!
6th May, friday night. Mandy's birthday dinner!
11/02 readers, please message me to tell me if you're coming or not. more details soon, as soon as i do my recce trip. heh.
*ammended: becky never checks handphone*

sick.
had high fever the whole day yesterday, about 39.5, hitting a peak of 40.2. slept and slept and slept. only decided to go the doctor when i realised my entire body was covered in this nasty looking rash. by which time all the clinics were closed so my dad had to take me to a hospital. did a blood test, the results of which are as follows:

Full blood count
-Hemoglobin 1.35 g/Dl
-PCV 42%
-RBC 5.09 x 10^12
-MCV 82 f1
-MCH 27 pg
-MCHC 32 g/Dl
WBC 3.7 x 10^9/l
D.C.
-Neutrophil 76%
-Lymphocyte 12%
-Monocyte 4%
-Eosinophil 0%

Atypical Mononuclear 8%
Platelet count 212 x 10^9

my maid is sick too. my mum took her to the hospital today, and she has dengue. my dad thought I had dengue too, but the doctor didn't say anything about dengue, though i think he suspected it. dunno leh, my maid did'nt have a rash. and dengue fever is supposed to last 3-6 days, mine was finished in about 1.5 days. my diagnosis was simply viral infection.
the thought did cross my mind: what if i have HIV? cos I've been volunteering with the patients since mid jan, and between 6 weeks to 3 months after infection theres this time where you get a fever, rash. But i tell myself not to be silly, I can't get HIV from talking to them. Better not tell my grandma i'm sick... she's gonna have a fit and then blame it on my volunteering...

anyway, i'm feeling better, its just the rash now...

i want someone to sayang me! become very manja when i'm sick...
i want to watch movie! Millions anyone?
i want(ed) to go to the Singapore International Film Festival! but its kinda gonna be over...

i screwed up my computer... so blogging from my bro's comp today.

Today me and darren went to Tea Party, which is in sixth avenue, near my old house. I'm a sucker for nostalgia, (at least, the fragmented, scanty memory that constitutes nostalgia for me), so i insisted we walk around a bit before going home. Made me think about the past a lot, who i was, who i am now. and since i didn't have my computer to entertain me at home, i went and dug up all our old photos. I was quite freaking cute as a baby... don't know how come i've always imagined myself to be an ugly baby and kid. i think low-self esteem does that to you.

anyhoo, to summarise the past few days... Tea.

1)Exam teas.
it was really hard to start talking to people at first. but i'm glad i mustered up the courage to do it in the end. for non-vcfers, exam tea is when we invite people studying in the library to join us for some hot drinks and biscuits, and from there just talk to them and get to know them. it's kinda weird starting a conversation with a stranger, i already find it hard to start conversations with people I already know. but evangelism is not about me! so just had to put aside my awkwardness, and i think it was good. some people are really friendly, most want to know why we are spending our time doing this.

2)A nice cup of tea and a sit down.
Me and serene had such a good laugh over this! but if she's staying over again this sat, we are gonna be sleeping early!

3)Tea party.
do a bit of publicity for this place, which is mark choo's brother's place. (don, for those of you who know him. oh yeah, speakin of which, i just got an email from Dr Lo saying that Dr Don recommended me for the job of writing assistant which is what i really wanted!!! YAY!) ANYWAY.
fantastic range of teas there. Me and darren had this student's meal, was quite substantial and only came up to $10 each. if you go there, MUST try the duck pizza. picture the crispy duck skin and succulent meat encased in cheese! had strawberry cream and pieces iced tea, huge scones with jam and cream (mmmm cream...), and mushroom soup!

have some more thoughts... but its already 3:42am. some other day, whenever my com gets fixed. hopefully i don't lose everything.

$1 million dollars in exchange for BECKY TAN. I've hijacked her blog. Nobody knows what I will do next and I'm capable of anything, I'm telling you! Like forcing chocolates down her throat, forcing her to play the guitar the whole night, like keeping her awake the whole night by talking. *diabolical laughter*

Ok, I can't keep that up. I'm actually kinda hungry, or just errm, feeling snackish. I'm gonna ask her for some food, teehee. I'm Serene. Hahaha, staying over. Guest posting, she wants. So here I am. Late night with Serene Huang. And we see you next week, same time same channel.

hot, salty fries roll down her cheeks
as she shovels the pack of tears into her mouth
where they remain
because life is not worth the swallowing
or chewing for that matter
her eyes are dead
cold and smooth and shiny
staring ahead like a marble athena
but life is plastic! she declares
and hollow
as the potatoes fly out
and eyes, suddenly, many eyes
they turn upon her accusingly
vegetative propagation gone wrong
what to do but bite your lip,
hold back the brimming spuds
and finish your tears.

I can't shake it.
I'm not satisfied.
So restless.
When?

aksi mat yoyo!
i used to like that show, despite not understanding a word.
but this i don't quite like. i don't see strong evidence for the wild claims and generalisations being made. the use of pseudo-academic terms like trope and the Other without any substantiation or explaination don't get you very far.
then again, you gotta be careful what you say in blogs these days. hai.

Evidence of God's favour resting on me, so undeservedly.
Serendipity.

Had such a good day in school today, everything seemed to be going my way. Had breakfast with Damien, Jon and Jeremy, what a nice way to start of the day, having a meal with friends =) Was waiting for damien, got there early, so closed my eyes to pray a bit and when i opened them, there was jon! Haha... so movie-esque. Made a new friend, Jeremy, i was quite amazed, cos he seemed to know everything about me though I'd never met him before. He was like, "you're from bethesda bukit arang right? from life science and usp also right?" Stunned! Turns out he's from YCK and they came over to BA last year for the Love Factually series, he's in the writing class next door to my uncertainty or sea class, so he's seen me in usp before, and he's in bioD, so he knows im in life science. how qiao is that. Singapore too small lah. I said I've been sleeping too much in class to notice, which I realised the moment it left my lips, is absolutely true.

Anyway, off to the library we go. I ask damien whats the call number for the bioD text cos i wanted to borrow it, but jeremy lends me his, which turns out to be way better cos i could have it for the whole day, not just 2 hours for RBR. And I covered so much today! I amaze myself! More amazing than that, I did'nt fall asleep even once! Knowing me, thats really super duper amazing. Amazing. (loss for words).

Lunch was pretty good too. We got there before it started raining. We built a tower of nalgene bottles. Haha... too bad I didn't have a camera. But wait, it keeps getting better.

Hazel messages me and asks me for my prayer requests for the week! wah... why is everyone being so nice to me?

I was just complaining to my mum in the car that I forgot to bring my jacket, but I didn't feel cold at all in the library. Considering that I was in the lib from 9am till 5:30pm, thats quite... amazing. Left cos I had to go give tuition, not that i don't like to, cos she's a good kid, but just the thought of the 1.5 hour bus ride and the day only ending at 9pm was quite daunting. Nevertheless I carry on and who should I meet on the bus A1 but Huay Shi! this really nice PRC girl who was attached to our JC class for 3 months in J1. On the bus, I notice that I've just missed 151, which usually takes forever to come. But oh well, i'm already in quite a good mood so it doesnt bother me, just cross the road and wait lor.

and who should I see there but my all-time favourite prof!!! Yay! and he tells me that I should submit my essays to Folio!(this usp publication, but i thought my essays werent good enough) wow, to recieve genuine affirmation from someone you respect, there are really few better feelings. He's promised to email me about which essay specifically I should try sending in. soo nice =)

and seconds later... an AIRCON 151 bus arrives. (non-151 patrons, this is rare.) On the bus, even before I sit down, my tuition kid calls me and cancels tuition! woohoo! can go home and rest! And when I change bus, I'm greeted by a familiar face, Cheryl! too bad she was too far away, I wanted to tell her how she just made my perfect day more perfect.

Too many good, unexpected things in a row to have happened by chance. I thank God for reminding me how much He cares about me, even up to the smallest details. I was just thinking that it's so easy to praise God when (every)thing's going your way, but we should praise God in every situation, if only because He's God. But He's given us so many reasons to praise, the biggest of all: because Jesus died for our sins. also because "I am fearfully and wonderfully made". If we don't, even the rocks will cry out. That's the way praise works, it flows out naturally, spontaneously, but based on the reality of Christ. Simply amazing.

a song came to mind
I love because you first loved me, a sinner saved by grace
You exchanged your blameless life for mine, a debt I can't repay
I don't deserve your favour, but still you love me without measure
Your love is reaching me, and i'm responding to it
Your love is changing me, as i surrender to it
I'm holding nothing back, I give you every part
My soul has been released, your love has captured my heart

another thought i had. the only available response is to accept, with thanksgiving. There's no way to repay such a great debt, we should'nt think that by doing something good we will ever be able to "even the score" with God. There is nothing so great or sacrificial that will ever be able to tip the scales in our favour. God owes us nothing. But He gives us everything. Incoming song lyrics! "Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom."

not very coherrent, but I hope it's encouraged you.

the heavens declare the glory of God

and so is milk!

in chinese

half empty or half full

huggie-poo and the rugby ball

What is it with humans and the sexual reproductive organs of other organisms?
-We give each other flowers on valentine's day, but do we realise that flowers are the sexual reproductive organs of flowering plants(angiosperms)? Angiosperms belong to Kingdom Plantae which also consists of Phyla Bryophta (non-vascular plants), Phyla Pteridophyta(seedless vascular plants), Phyla Gymnosperma(non-flowering seed plants).
-I love mushrooms. The part we eat is known as the fruiting body, ie. the sexual reproductive organ. Mushrooms are in the kingdom Fungi, phyla Basidiomycota. Did you know that fungi are more closely related to animals than plants? They have chitin in their cell walls, a substance also found in insects. Other fungi phyla include Chytridomycota, Zycomycota, Ascomycota and Deuteromycota(debatable).
-Conservation of biodiversity. We need to stop hunting tigers for their sexual reproductive organs which are sold as aphrodisiacs. But conservation requires political will, see the case study of India.

As you can see, I have been a good girl and studied my LSM1103.

Went for breakfast with dad today! SO SHIOK, went to TCC!!! Had this fabulous dish, carmelized banana french toast, served with a good dollop of cream. MMMM... soooo good. i love TCC. They should pay me for advertising on my blog. I don't mind getting paid in vouchers! Hope some tcc advertising exec is reading this. TCC! Look here!

sorry, havent had lunch, and staring at page after page of mushrooms has made me hungy. in the words of UNCLE daniel, siao liao.

First of all, Thank you God for bringing me through last week! tests and projects and stress, but i made it through, thank you for your faithfulness.

this week has been good, lots of prayer. Janice prayed for me and damien on wed, I thought that was very thoughtful and loving of her. Then today we prayed after captain's ball/frisbee. I thought that was the highlight of the day. Really wonderful to see the body of Christ at work in school, to hear about how other facs, halls, standing comms are doing. I just love the way how people who don't really know each other all that well yet can just come together and share from their hearts about the things that are important to them (their ministries etc), and pray for each other.

to be honest, I didn't really feel like going for captain's ball today. first off, it was a bad day for me at the PCC, today felt really useless. I didn't know how to talk to the patient at all, she was totally ignoring me. and its not just her, I feel i can't really communicate with ANY of the patients there... as hard as i try... i'm just sooo not good at talking to people. so I left the CDC with lots of thoughts going on in my head: why am I doing this? what difference am I making? why am I so lousy at this? I may have the heart for it... but i seem to really suck at this... etc etc etc. and then the thought of travelling all the way to school when I didn't have to, was not appealing, to say the least. I was about to walk away from the train station, but don't know why... just found my feet walking back and somehow ended up on the train. I do a lot of things without knowing why, and that was just one of them.

and it was sports, i'm not good at sports. usually i don't mind playing, can be quite fun, but today just felt so lazy. but i went anyway. and it wasn't bad, played frisbee =) the chance to get to know the people from the other facs was good, and best of all, prayer. I haven't been praying on my own for a while, can't exactly blame it on the late-night project work rushing. so today was a good reminder about what's so great about prayer and why it should be central in a christian's life.

as i was walking to the train station from the CDC, was struck by a sudden pang of loneliness. I really miss having enai to talk to. Got lots of friends around me who care and love me so much... but... sometimes i just want someone who knows me so well, to just listen. Never missed you so much until you were gone, enai. But the loneliness is tinged with sadness, because so much has happened in my life, the little things that come up to huge differences, that i don't think enai knows me that well anymore. But then i think, did she really know me all that well in the first place? I mean, this could well be a case of nostalgia distorting the true situation, imagining things to be better than they actually were, I do that a lot.
Is there anyone on this earth who ever really understood me? Can there ever be someone like that? Am i expecting too much from another frail human being?

to quote the Corrs, loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad, in the stillness of remembering (or imagining) what you had and what you lost.

Cest la vie? Muss es sein?

In response to poop for peace day on joel's blog
I present you an exerpt from The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

"The fact that until recently the word 'shit' appeared in print as s--- has nothing to do with moral considerations. You can't claim that shit is immoral, after all! The objection to shit is a metaphysical one. The daily defecation session is daily proof of the unacceptability of Creation. Either/or: either shit is acceptable (in which case don't lock yourself in the bathroom!) or we are created in an unacceptable manner.
It follows, then, that the aesthetic ideal of the categorical agreement with being is a world in which shit is denied and everyone acts as though it did not exist. This aesthetic ideal is called kitsch.
'Kitsch' is a German word born in the middle of the sentimental nineteenth century, and from German it entered all Western languages. Repeated use, however, has obliteraged its original metaphysical meaning: kitsch is the absolute denial of shit, in both the literal and the figurative senses of the word; kitsch excludes everything from its purview which is essentially unacceptable in human existence."

call me a savage for not being able to appreciate it, but if you ask me... THAT was quite shitty.

oh yeah... serene, the book's still with me!

on another note, I want to be an emancipated intellectual, a la Jurgen Habermas. Learnt about the three types of intellectuals in Dr Yew's class today, technical, practical and emancipated. Click heres a link to a short intro to Habermas.

Happy birthday hozzy =) *hug*
God bless you.

im so tired.

saw this. its got my favourite things, immune system and mushrooms.

thus begins the week of coffee.

meet the robot

side view

how it works

how we work

meme

guys goofing off while me and zara program

Quiz from Mandy's blog

Your dating personality profile:

Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Religious
2. Conservative
3. Practical
4. Traditional
5. Shy
6. Big-Hearted
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Adventurous
9. Intellectual
10. Romantic

Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Practical
3. Big-Hearted
4. Shy
5. Traditional
6. Adventurous
7. Intellectual
8. Athletic
9. Romantic
10. Conservative

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

I don't know how true this is... i don't really consider myself a conservative (politically speaking).

anyway... let me tell you about my day! i just need someone to listen, won't take long i promise.

slept at 3 plus, woke up at 8 plus, 5 hours is not so bad. Had breakfast in school, talked to the aunty from olive grove at the arts canteen, she's nice =) I did get the "gasp! what happened to your face!" thingy, but it doesnt bother me.

presentation! it was fantastic =) everyone had such great projects, really impressed and amused (especially by er kai!!! he's sooo funny!) for the first time i felt the excitement and confidence of presenting something that i know is good and we all put a lot of effort in. my group is good, afterall. and after the whole day of presentations, the class suddenly felt so bonded! we were all happy and chatting away and telling each other what we liked about each other's projects. such a nice, positive feeling...

tuition, got some funny questions that i couldn't do... hai, quite embarassing, no? and frustrating. brings back the tormented days of secondary school. anyway. the mum made some homemade chrysanthemum tea and offered me some! nice =) a million times better than the packet one.

project meeting... hai, felt kinda sian, euphoria from morning presentation wearing off fast. and no power point (as in, electrical, not software) so we couldn't use my friend's laptop. i'm sorry... but the meeting was so tedious. but thankfully we moved to TCC next door later, they had a power point. and fabulous coffee of course! I love TCC, it has got to be my favourite coffee joint. we started to get really tired and really crappy. honestly a little bit frustrated at our lack of progress at some bits, but there were funny bits too. so it all kinda evens out i guess.

need to do reports and stuff and theres another meeting tmr evening. I hope we won't have to stayover in school!!! hai... c'mon becks... endure, its not that bad.

should sleep early, got church tmr. church friends, see you then =)
oh yeah, some advertising. I need two more roomates for church camp, bunk with me and enai? want?

(p.s. alan, i remember what i said, but you must come claim from me...)

seven days of insanity.

Friday 8th April
PCC visit
Changi Beach Essay
Robo project meeting
Supper with Serene + stayover

Saturday 9th April
USE2305 Group Project Presentation
Tuition 2-4pm
Meet Hazel for dinner

Sunday 10th April
work work work (I protest! Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest!)

Monday 11th April
Robot project demonstration
Robot project report due
Tuition 7:30-9pm

Tuesday 12th April
Stats Group Assignment 3 due

Wednesday 13th April
Mircobiology Lab Report due

Thursday 14th April
UIT2203 Big Test (all the chapters I don't understand)
UQR2203 Project Presentation

Psalm 61:1-2
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

was just mediating on the joy finding and being found.
is it better than never having lost in the first place?
i think so.
being known and understood too, while we're at it.
hmmm.

Attention jiaquan

Aldosterone is a hormone released by the adrenal glands. It is part of the complex mechanism used by the body to regulate blood pressure. Aldosterone is the main sodium retaining hormone from the adrenal gland. It increases the reabsorption of sodium and water along with the excretion of potassium in the distal tubules of the kidneys. This action raises blood pressure.
Frequently, blood aldosterone levels are combined with other blood tests (plasma renin activity) or provocative tests (captopril test, intravenous saline infusion test or ACTH infusion test) in order to diagnosis over or under production of the hormone.

why is it that when i have something important to do, all the unimportant things suddenly seem very appealing and i can't get anything done until i've done all the unimportant things?

turned in yet another abominable essay. I'm so sorry for my prof who has to plough through 10 pages of my useless drivel and come up with some soothing platitudes to justify the C- that i will probably get. argh argh argh. its 30% of my grade for that module!

now still innundated with project work. this week and next week... sigh, makes me want to curl up into a ball and pretend that i'm a cat, cos cats dont go to university.

which reminds me of that vote vote song from making fiends

vote vote vote

unless you're a goat

cos goats can't vote

vote vote vote

unless you're a *doughnut

cos doughnuts can't vote

*subsitute with potted plant, can of ham, and felon for the next 3 verses.

by the way, have you seen the ginvera marvel gel ad at the bus stops? the that looks like it should have a caption saying, "ARGH! Help! a giant green booger has escaped from my nose and is taking over my face!!!" just thought it was funny.

utt and... me?

i look like linda liao? kewl! I don't mind... i mean, Utt is half thai! hahaha...
i should watch Chase then, its also got keagan kang!

this is what i've been doing with my time... watching episodes of "making fiends".

watched Be Cool with my dad and darryl today.
it was entertaining, at some bits. but overall, just left the theatre feeling like the whole movie was celebrating the worship of music stars, celebrities, fame, popularity and success. In short, superficial and empty. constant name dropping and attempts at clever innuendo and self-reflection just seemed very artificial. john travolta is just deadpan, not cool at all. and the pudginess is starting to show. even aerosmith sold out. and steve tyler has one of the freakiest faces in showbiz. the characters are 2-dimensional and campy (see the rock acting gay).
contrived. but likable enough if you leave your brains at the door. the scenes of random dancing at the credits were quite fun, makes you wanna get up and dance crazy too.

yay! i look like linda liao... haha, thanks jiaquan =) im bemused. i think you haven't seen me in too long.

the four right chords can make me cry

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Friday, April 22, 2005

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Monday, April 18, 2005

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Friday, April 15, 2005

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Monday, April 11, 2005

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Monday, April 04, 2005

Saturday, April 02, 2005

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